Sermon Notes: Father’s Day 2025 – Ephesians 6:1-4
Happy Father’s Day!
Dads, you have a glorious labor in being the King, the head of your home.
It is a glorious work.
In the wise Creator Jesus’ design, he made us in his image and granted us the ability, authority, and capacity to create other image-bearing kings and queens with our wives who would rule over, manage, and fill every domain of creation.
Listen to this section from the wedding sermon I preach when I preach a wedding for TRC folks that speaks about “marriage” and thus the home:
“Originating in divine wisdom and goodness, designed to promote human delight in God and holiness, this rite is the foundation of home life and social order and must remain so until the end of time.
Marriage is of God. It is ordained by him. It is the first and the holiest institution among men. In the wisdom of God, the first establishment is not the church, or even the state, it is the family. God himself gave the first bride away, performed the first marriage ceremony, and set apart the first home in Eden. It is of the home which God speaks in Genesis 2:18-24:”
Then the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him. So out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the livestock and the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
It is this home the Lord speaks of who makes up the local church that Paul addresses in the last part of Ephesians in what some call the “household code”. We will take our text from this section in a few minutes. But first, listen to the first part of the household code in Ephesians 5:22-33.
Ephesians 5:22-33 (ESV) 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
The husband and wife, the basic family unit in marriage, is God’s holiest institution because it is a dramatic presentation of the gospel reality of Jesus’ winning, sanctification, and caring for his church.
Marriage. The home. The church.
Marriage is given to us as a temporary (Matthew 22:23-33) glory to dramatize the gospel reality of Jesus love for his people and powerful wisdom that is put on display in and through the local church.
Redeemed and being sanctified families make up the local church, which makes up the family of God, and this family constructed the way God prescribes it to be constructed, is the source of health, wholeness, and human flourishing.
Dads, it is our joy to steward the marriage and thus the family unit and thus feed the local church with health and wholeness.
Paul gives us some instruction about how we can do part of that work as fathers in Ephesians 6:1-4.
Let’s read about it: Ephesians 6:4 (ESV) 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
What can we observe about fathering to help us feed our families and the church with health and wholeness?
There are two commands. One of them is stated in the negative. One of them is stated in the positive. So, let’s look at the first command as our first observation.
1) Do not provoke your children to anger.
The word for “provoke” is a compound word made up of a preposition that implies movement to something (para) and a word for anger. You could literally translate the word as “toward anger”.
So, it reads literally in English “do not move toward anger your children”.
So, the negative command is that we avoid behavior that moves our children to an unnecessary emotive response of anger.
I want to emphasize that Paul is not telling us that our children are to avoid anger altogether. There are things our children must be allowed to feel anger over. Anger is not an evil emotion. It’s a tricky emotion, but it is not innately evil. God gets angry.
The emphasis is not on anger but on what takes our children to that place. What Paul is prohibiting is us fathers doing things that move our children to anger unnecessarily. Thus, we use the English word “provoke” to capture that poor behavior Paul is telling us is not good.
If we don’t do right, and our children get angry because of our sin, then our children’s anger is just.
If we are goading our children in knowledge that we are goading them knowing that they don’t yet understand how to manage their anger and keep it holy, we are stepping into territory in which we can damage our children.
Thus, Paul tells us to watch ourselves. This requires us to be self-aware and aware of the emotional state of our children.
Next, he gives us the positive command, which is our second observation.
2) Bring them up.
“Bring them up” is contrasted to provoking. Bring them up is a word that means to nourish and nurture.
Nourish is to provide necessary resources.
Nurture is to foster development as resources are put to use.
We are to provide the necessary resources for raising kings and queens of creation, and we are to help them develop those resources into useful tools for the work.
So, we are commanded to nourish and nurture as the work of “bringing our little kings and queens up” for their created work.
What do we nourish them on and what do we nurture? Paul answers that question for us.
Discipline and Instruction.
Can we use any discipline and instruction we like? No.
Paul tells us the kind of discipline and instruction that we are to nourish and nurture with.
The discipline and instruction of God’s kingdom for the home is defined as the discipline and instruction “of the Lord.”
The little grammatically rich word “of” is the Greek genitive. It is a powerful piece of Greek grammar. Here, it is the genitive of source and possession.
What genitive of source and possession means here is that the discipline and instruction are the Lord’s possession, and we get them from him. Jesus owns them, and he is where we get them.
The implications here are rich, and we will make an application of it as our first application, so hang on.
Now, as a translation note, I would not translate the words “discipline” and “instruction” the way the ESV does. The CSB is better.
I would translate them “instruction” and “admonition”. So, I would translate that part of the verse as “…bring them up in the instruction and admonition of the Lord.”
We are using the ESV, so we will just do some exegesis work to get to Paul’s intent.
We will do that by asking two questions as our last two observations, they will be points 3 and 4.
3) What is the Lord’s discipline?
The word here translated as “discipline” is the genitive form of the noun that means “child” (paideuo). It’s the same root we use when we talk about children’s medical care: pediatric.
The genitive form of this word as Paul is using it has in mind the instruction or teaching of our children. The word used earlier in the verse for children implies smaller children, so we can conclude that this word (different word) which is generally more inclusive of a range of ages still has in mind the focus is on younger children.
So, we can gather Paul is talking about fathers working with their children before they get to the stage of manhood or womanhood.
It in no way excludes the ongoing instruction we as parents give, because as I’m learning, you never stop instructing and being parents. That is a role we will carry until we are with the Lord awaiting our resurrection.
Based on the word Paul uses the work he has in mind is the work of instruction for our children, or we might say the teaching of everything that is true to our children.
Why? Because truth is the source of all human flourishing, and our children need to know what is true and what is not.
Dads, instruct your children in truth.
4) What is the Lord’s instruction?
The word translated here as “instruction” is the genitive form of the noun that means “admonish” (noutheteo). Admonition is correction.
We can conclude that Paul has in mind fathers correcting what is not true for and in their children.
So, fathers we should instruct in everything that is true, and when our children embark in thoughts or practices that are not true, we correct what is not true and help them to dwell in what is true.
Part of the work of admonition is the deep detective work to discover why they chose something not true when they could have chosen truth.
We’ll talk about that in a minute.
Application?
1. Since Jesus is the source and owner of what we need to instruct and admonish our children with, fathers, let’s have an active and presently ongoing walk with Jesus by the Spirit where we are constantly with him receiving his instruction and receiving his correction.
When the Bible uses the language of “walk” regarding our faith, it means to be with and go in the direction of who we are with. If we are walking with Jesus, then we are going his direction and in step with him.
A walk with Jesus where we are receiving instruction and correction will never be static, it will always be dynamic as well as tailored to us as an individuals and dove-tailed to the local church in the corporate (We are the image of the Triune God, distinct and part of a fellowship as one).
So, fathers walk with Jesus. How?
Know his word. Have his word so imprinted in your soul so that when you have those moments where Scripture flashes across your mind, you know the voice of the Spirit.
Know yourself. Know how and why you tick the way you tick. Do the hard work of self-knowledge and self-awareness. Learn to manage yourself for restraint and learn when to cut yourself loose.
Be correctable and leadable with our wives and together. Be sensitive to the work of the Spirit and his pinpoint direction.
It is in this posture that we will discover all that is true, and it is in this posture that will can instruct and admonish our children.
2. Know God’s word and his world.
Make sure you download God’s word so deeply that it’s really hard for sin to get by our filter and we have the ability to sniff out when we are being led down paths we should not venture down.
Paul tells Timothy and Titus that there are some discussions to avoid because they are fruitless in regard to truth.
Psalm 119:11 (ESV) 11 I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
As you know God’s word, make sure you get to know his world. God has woven laws into creation that are Proverbs 25:2 glories for us to find. God is the ultimate “Easter Egg” hider, and when we go explore the world and the world of knowing what is in his world, we will find glories beyond imagination that will take us to the All-Wise Creator Jesus for worship through joy and wonder.
Expose your children to that kind of treasure hunting. You’ll find kingdom of God gloires together.
You can do this by getting your children outside. Get them in the water. Get them in the woods. Get them in good books that talk about dragons and evil and the good men and women who conquer evil. Teach them to defend themselves and others. Get them into supper table debates on issues that matter and stretch their intellect and capacity to know something and hold on to it if it’s true.
C.S. Lewis said in an essay on how to write for children: “Since it is so likely that they will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage.”[1]
3. When your children depart from truth, know your children well enough that you are doing more than reactive behavior modification, but that your correction gets to the heart of why your children depart from truth.
I needed to know this sooner than I learned it, and my not knowing it led to me poorly engaging my sons many times.
The work of admonition is more than a good spanking or whatever you do in correction. Admonition is deeper than spanking versus other forms of correction.
Admonition is getting down into what fueled the behavior.
This requires you to be present, able to connect with your children where they are (this means you have control over yourself are mindful of your mental and emotional state and fully aware). This requires the ability to help your children help themselves and make good decisions. This requires the ability to then correct their behavior by helping them correct their behavior as they learn how their little selves operate and are able to see the what and the why of what is being corrected because you led them to it.
Admonition is a deep and rich well of necessary digging on your part to know your children, understand yourself, have biblical boundaries, courage to do what is right, and faith to trust God for outcomes.
4. Make sure you father with and within the local church.
One of my favorite things about my sons and TRC is how men in TRC have invested in my sons by picking them up from places, taking them to lunch, correcting them as they should at times, speaking prophetically to them, encouraging them, employing them, and doing this to the point that when my sons engage with other churches they comment that there are just not any men at those churches like the men of TRC.
What is amazing to me about that is we have walked with Jesus together in such a way that my fatherhood has extended beyond me to other men in the church and vice/versa.
One of my favorite things about a young lady in our church is that when she’s hungry, she says that she’s hungrier than she’s ever been and about to pass. Where do you think she learned that from? Me! From time together as families. Silly example, but one that we can extrapolate to larger influence.
Even silly things we say download and stay because we do things together, and that is really good.
Time spent together on mission extends our fatherhood of instruction and admonition to the whole fellowship, and that is worth its weight in gold.
5. Pray: Increase us / Seek your kingdom and righteousness first / Send us / Honor the Lord / Contrition / Prayer
[1] C.S. Lewis, Essay: “On Three Ways of Writing for Children”.